7. Forget the Miata and buy the mini-van. And don’t think you can
leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t
look like that. Buy a chocolate ice cream bar and put it in the glove
compartment. Leave it there. Get a quarter. Stick it in the cassette
player. Take a family-size bag of chocolate cookies. Mash them down
the back seats. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There!
Perfect!
8. Get ready to go out. Wait outside the toilet for half an hour. Go
out the front door. Come in again. Go out. Come back in. Go out
again. Walk down the front path. Walk back up it again. Walk down it
again. Walk very slowly down the road for 5 minutes. Stop to inspect
minutely every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty
tissue, and dead insect along the way. Retrace your steps. Scream
that you’ve had as much as you can stand until all the neighbors come
out and stare at you. Give up and go back in the house. You’re now
just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
9. Always repeat everything you say at least five times.
10. Go to your local supermarket. Take the nearest thing you can find
to a pre-school child with you. A fully grown goat is excellent. If
you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat. Buy
your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.
Pay for everything the goats eat or destroy. Until you can easily
accomplish this DO NOT even contemplate having children.
11. Hollow out a melon. Make a small hole in the side. Suspend it
from the ceiling and swing it from the ceiling and swing it from side
to side. Now get a bowl of soggy Fruit Loops and attempt to spoon it
into the hole of the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
Continue until half of the Fruit Loops are gone. Tip the rest into
your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor. You are
now ready to feed a 12-month old child.
12. Learn the names of every character from ‘Barney and Friends’,
‘Sesame street’, and ‘Power Rangers’.
When you find yourself singing, “I love you, you love me” at work, you
finally
qualify as a parent. Congratulations!
John Abraham(grandfather) posted the following on July 18, 2010 at 1:16 PM.
Wow,can’t wait to hold him again. Everytime I see him he gets more beautifull,(I didn’t think that was possible). If I don’t get laid off soon , I am taking some time off.
Laura St. John posted the following on July 14, 2010 at 12:22 AM.
He is sooo cute – absolutely adorable! Such beautiful pictures – thanks for sharing them!
Tommy Lawrence posted the following on July 11, 2010 at 9:55 PM.
What a handsome boy. Hope to see him at the Smiths. Fun time with cousins.
Helen Alford posted the following on July 11, 2010 at 1:56 PM.
What a beautiful baby!
Coty and LP posted the following on July 10, 2010 at 8:41 PM.
Love that one of all three of yall..very cute!
Cindy Williams posted the following on July 10, 2010 at 8:20 PM.
Beautiful pictures! They will truly be treasured for a lifetime. Cute family.
Jillian posted the following on July 10, 2010 at 7:37 PM.
Maybe the most enormous, luminous brown eyes I’ve ever seen. One happy, handsome fella! Can’t wait to smooch him some more!
Aunt Summer posted the following on July 10, 2010 at 6:28 PM.
Wow! Awesome Pictures. Of course the subject (Wesley) makes them Awesome.
Vanessa Abraham posted the following on July 10, 2010 at 9:45 AM.
Great pics!!! Amazing work. Love the lighting and shadows on Wesley in the profile pic.
Chris Williams posted the following on July 9, 2010 at 9:59 PM.
That is officially a good lookin’ kid.
Judy Whitley posted the following on July 9, 2010 at 8:33 PM.
Such a sweet baby. These are great pictures. Can’t wait for the next ones.
Aunt Nancy and Uncle Tommy posted the following on July 9, 2010 at 6:40 PM.
Wesley is a beautiful (handsome) baby. He seems so content. Looks like you are doing a wonderful job and you’re very ready to be his parent. Hugs
Christina Lee posted the following on July 9, 2010 at 5:02 PM.
Wow, interesting post!
I don’t think my mother’s vehicle ever looked like you described though. Perhaps it’s because we weren’t allowed to eat food in the car? or fear of being punished if we messed something up?
The grocery store thing—now that is funny—I was the bad kid who liked to wander off from my mom in the store—even to this day I’m bad about that one! Destroying things though—again, too scared of being punished, lol.
Leave a reply